It must've been forever since i last posted huh. Honestly never expected myself to post here again. But I'm doing so to write down how i feel. And since this blog is pretty much dead, i doubt anyone would see this either. 

Life just seems to get more and more depressing for me. Things just never seem to get better and I'm always the cause for something bad. Even when i do absolutely nothing wrong, I'm at fault. So then, what am i supposed to do? I will start studying harder. I want to be able to be successful, show them that i can live by myself. Then they'll know that they've been wrong this entire time. I'm perfectly fine by myself, and i really want to move to another country and hopefully never see the both of you again. Time and time again, the thought of suicide always lingers at the back of my head. This whole time, that I've been alive, not once did i feel any form of love from anyone. Not a single person. But that's fine.

You dare claim that you're close to me last time? Please stop it with the bullshit. You know absolutely nothing about me. You act like a know-it-all. Can't stand people like you. 

I can't always blame the things in my surroundings. It's something i brought unto myself. I admit, I'm not the ideal son anyone would want. I can see that for myself. I'm not smart, good looking or have a good character for that matter. I messed up, big time. I wish I could change, if only it would be that easy. But i just cant seem to do that. The fire in my heart seems to always die out a little too fast. That's why i can never accomplish anything. I don't know what to do about myself. But i suppose my indulgence in drama has affected my mood as well. I pray that I'll have a stronger will and more discipline. When school starts, I need to stop. Get my life on track and work to be better. I wish for time to fly. But at the same time i wish for it not to as well.